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The world isn’t exactly a very quiet place, which is why some places, like libraries, and individuals, like old men on lawns, have to remind people to keep it down. Every once in a while we need to escape into our own private havens and just enjoy some quiet alone time but, on occasion, even this provides no peace from the roar of the lunatics outside.

It’s moments like this when you want to give into your inner avenger and grab your shotgun, as well as some extra ammo, and go make some noise of your own. That tends to result in jail time though, so it’s best to explore some alternative options. While you think on that, let’s examine some truly appalling, record breaking noise that you can’t escape from.

4: The South African Vuvuzela

This nasty piece of cheap plastic blasts out its mindless cry at 40 decibels over the legal sound pollution limit (which in SA stands at 80 dB). It doesn’t matter if you go hide in your house because you’ll hear the noise from blocks away, and if it happens to be your own neighbours who don’t care how you’re sleeping then your dog will probably maul them in short order – at least you can hope. At a total of around 127 dB per blast, the Vuvuzela is louder than a chainsaw or lawnmower and can cause permanent damage to the human ear.

3: Loudest crowd roar at a sport stadium

Something about sports seems to get human blood flowing and adrenalin racing, and that’s just for the spectators. In a bid to outdo the U.S record for ‘loudest crowd roar at a sport stadium’, Turkey Grand Sports Club Galatasaray management arranged for an ear crippling display of audience participation. On the 18th of March 2011, and after two previous attempts some minutes earlier, the crowd screamed to the score of a whopping 131.76 dB. This stole the record from Denver, Colorado and most likely deafened the city of Galatasaray.

 2: Loudest band

Although a much contested title, two particular events involving two different bands are the most noteworthy and well documented. In 1972 the band Deep Purple was recognised by The Guinness Book of World Records as the “loudest pop group” when, during a performance at the London Rainbow Theatre, they reached 117 Db which knocked three audience members unconscious.  In 2009 at a live performance in Canada the band KISS was actually asked to turn it down when they reached a whopping 136 dB.

1: Volcanic eruption of Krakatoa

In 1883 the loudest sound in, possibly, human history took place when the Isle of Krakatoa suffered cataclysmic volcanic eruptions, literally blowing up the isle as it was then known and recreating it as a volcanic island. The eruption at Krakatoa (in the Indonesian area) was clearly heard as far out as Perth and people as far as nearly 5000 kilometres away testified that they too had heard it. This is a small surprise given that the power of the explosion was approximately 13 times more powerful than the one which decimated Hiroshima.

Honourable Mention

 Snoring

None of these entries can be ignored by hiding in your home but possibly the most annoying sound of all is that of your partner snoring away in your bed. The next time your bed mate takes even that sacred spot from you with their nasal assault – perhaps you should suggest they take a vacation to Krakatoa.

About The Author

Jason Acar  enjoys his work as an experienced online content writer. He works on various articles and currently he’s researching a snoring solution and gathering snoring information for his next article.

I recently saw “Moneyball” and loved it. It’s a crowd pleasing, fun to watch, well written spin on a cool true life story. And it features this young, unknown actor named Brad Pitt. You probably haven’t heard of him. He’s that dude from “12 Monkeys”.

Alright, that’s only funny (or extremely stupid, depending on your sense of humor) because Pitt is such a huge international icon. But in my opinion, there’s a major conflict of interest between being an icon and an actor.
A good actor is supposed to lose themselves in a role. You’re supposed to forget that they are an actor and actually believe that they are the person they play on the screen. Tom Cruise has this problem. In a recent movie, “Valkerie”, he was supposed to play a Nazi trying to plot a scheme to kill Hitler. But all it looked like was “Tom Cruise speaking (or trying to speak) with a German accent”.

Robert Redford also ran into the same thing many years ago. He just became too good looking and well known. Movie buffs know that Redford was one of the names Paramount wanted for the role of Michael Corleone in “The Godfather”. What a disaster that would have been. The role belonged to the then unknown actor Al Pacino.

Actors of this caliber cease to be actors when their off screen celebrity is just so darn big you can’t leave it outside of the theater. Personally, I thought Pitt was adequate in “Moneyball”, not much more. I just didn’t believe he was struggling with all the crap in the story. And there’s this scene with Philip Seymour Hoffman.
Hoffman plays Art Howe, the Manager of the Oakland A’s. Pitt plays Billy Beane, the GM. Hoffman doesn’t like Bean’s weird new approach to the season and likes his 1 year contract even less, and you can tell that in every freaking scene he’s in. Hoffman outacts Pitt every time they are on screen together. It’s ridiculous, like watching a JV team play the Varsity. Pitt’s acting seems to consist of conveying concern by scrunching up his face and chewing gum. Hoffman owns the role, he just eminates the irritation and frustration of the Howe.You believe he is a baseball manager.

This is partically because Hoffman, though a huge actor, is not a headline celebrity icon. All throughout the movie, I just kept thinking “This is Brad Pitt pretending to be a baseball player and GM”. (It’s also interesting that Pitt admitted in interviews he doesn’t really like baseball, and I could almost feel that through the screen).
But the penultimate truth didn’t come from any of my film geek opinions on the topic. It came from the middle aged woman sitting next to me in the theater. Towards the end of the movie, as the A’s are winning, then losing, the film treats to a series of shots showing Pitt looking consternated. He sits alone in the weight room and stares into space.

During a moment of complete silence in the theater, with the camera fixed squarely on Pitt’s face, I heard this woman whisper “He’s so gorgeous” under her breath. Saying this out loud was probably uninentional, and I snickered. But she was just voicing what so many others are thinking. Why would I want to oay to watch Brad Pitt act like somebody else other than Brad Pitt?

About The Author

Seth Jared is a blogger who likes writing about fun stuff like movies, film schools and cool t-shirts.

Dealing with annoying neighbors is becoming more of an issue as people are being forced to live closer together. We’re not talking about small nuisances, like one day them firing up the lawnmower a tad early. No. We’re talking about patterns of seriously antisocial behaviour.

Some people in the world unfortunately lack the restraints and sensibilities most of us have. In ancient times, resolving conflicts were much simpler, a majority ruling would exist and the unpleasant neighbours would be chased from the area with sticks and stones by the community.

Unfortunately, in modern times democracy has spawned a complicated system of discipline known as the judicial system. To stop a person’s antisocial but not outright criminal activity there is a clumsy process involving magistrates, second chances, and a whole lot of time.

In the meantime that neighbour is going to be listening to loud music and flicking empty drink cans over your fence for months and months.

Some tactics of negotiation would involve rationalisation, empathy and various other types of strategy that only works when you are dealing with other rational people. Your annoying neighbours are no such people.
We’re going to outline a six step plan that will allow you to most effectively negotiate with your neighbours.

Step 1: Failed Negotiation

Some people think that negotiated outcomes are the best. The reality is that conflict is what has spawned some of the greatest innovations of our times. It will help you to construct one of the greatest thing’s you’ve ever made in your life. We’ll get to that soon.

Step 2: Dehumanisation

Dehumanisation is the process by which you separate the body from the spirit of the intended target. Your neighbours are no longer people and their social problems are no longer seen the same way. They are now the enemy. Successful dehumanisation will allow us to progress further down the path to war, our intended outcome.

Step 3: The Sheathed Sword

Sun Tsu wrote that the battle can be won before it has begun by devising a strategy that will never allow the enemy to defeat you and give you all the opportunity to win swiftly and decisively. To this end, you must commence the construction of a large catapult in your garage. By doing this in your garage you are able to keep the project secret from your enemy. You now have a sheathed sword.

Step 4: Mutually Assured Destruction

Originally conceived by strategists at the RAND corporation, this strategy was good enough for the American people and it’s good enough for you. This step simply involves telling your neighbour that a further continuation of antisocial behaviour will lead to his or her destruction. At this point they’ll probably just belch loudly and flick another beer can over your fence.

Step 5: The Unsheathed Sword

Now it’s time we let them know we are serious. Open your garage door and wheel out that catapult. If you have carefully paid attention to Sun Tsu you would have had a structural assessment done on the neighbour’s house. If this assessment was good, hopefully a weak point has been established that will inflict maximum damage on their property. Aim your catapult at this weak point and fire. Do this while they aren’t home. It’s better that they remain alive to tell the tale of your military might.

Step 6: No Quarter

Use this new power you have to establish desired norms in your now placated neighbour’s behaviour. Keep the catapult prominently displayed, so if your neighbour does anything remotely annoying you can simply point to the catapult and remind them what’s coming.

Hopefully you’ve absorbed the information in this article well, and can move forwards in your neighbourhood negotiations!

About The Author

This satirical piece was brought to you by Hirepulse, a service linking Australian business, contractors, consultants, freelancers and service providers. Article content by Living Online.